if mother nature had a face I imagine it would look like Sophia Vergara had a baby with Cindy Joseph, and then that baby somehow melded with a papaya and an orchid and a baby dolphin. I went off the rails a little bit there, I’m pretty tired. what I mean is that she’d have the brightest eyes and the most supple skin and the shiniest hair because she’d use only the best beauty products. products that she had created no less, from her own bossom.
pictured here are some new ideas I’m pretty psyched about these days. and they’re things I had in my kitchen anyway!
- coconut oil in your hair overnight and shampooed out in the morning leaves it super full (like, the SHAFTS feel bigger) and shiny. and I read that it makes it grow faster by strengthening it and preventing breakage. rub it into your skin and you’ll smell like a tropical mermaid from heaven. then you can use some in a pan to saute the shit out of some zucchini!
- I read this recipe online for a detox bath. a generous pour of hydrogen peroxide with several spoonfuls of ground ginger added into really hot water, for a 30 minute soak. the author of the article said she could actual smell alcohol seeping out of her pores, a concept that both disgusts and delights me. up until now I thought hydrogen peroxide was bleach (what am I thinking of? I still don’t know) but it turns out this is actually a thing that people put on their bodies and in their mouths for all kinds of reasons. who knew.
- in the depths of winter my face-skin becomes as dry and rough as a crusty old car in a junkyard in hell. I found some cosmetic-grade cold pressed organic sesame oil and rubbed some on my face and shins throughout the winter months. I smelled like a chinese chicken salad, but boy was my skin smooth.
- Dr. Oz (I don’t know) had this thing on the internet about a natural teeth whitener: juice from half a lemon mixed with a table spoon of baking soda. rub it on your teeth and leave it on for no more than 60 seconds. I haven’t tried this one yet but I have a lemon tree in my front yard and so the fact that this home beauty treatment will be mostly free excites a very real and very proud part of my jew-ness. come over and help yourself if you want some lemons!
what are some of your favorite feauty products?