“Tricked-out Westside Tilapia”

 

oh my god Coolio has a cook book. I SAID COOLIO HAS A COOK BOOK.

 

 

It’s called “Cookin’ with Coolio: 5 Star Meals At A 1 Star Price”!!! Amazon describes it as containing “casual vulgarity” and it costs $10.88.

Step 7 in one of his mexican recipes is “pass out the sombreros and machetes” and he suggests measurements like “a dime bag of salt”. In addition to his tilapia recipe he has ones for “Bro-ghetti” and “Karate Meat”. This may be the only cook book in history that has a language warning.

some of my favorite quotes:

1. “I’m the ghetto Martha Stewart, the black Rachel Ray.”

2. “This dish ain’t just called Karate Meat because it’s got an Asian kick to it. It’s called Karate Meat because it will beat you up like a pigeon in prison.”

3. “Hell, when I was growing up, I could make a meal out of a package of Top Ramen and a bottle of Windex.”

4. “[My mom’s] fried chicken would literally put on tennis shoes and run the fuck into your mouth.”

5. “Everything I cook tastes better than yo’ momma’s nipples.”

6. “Leave the eggs to bathe for 15 minutes in the hot water like a sexy Swedish chick in a natural mineral sauna.”

7. On how to make an egg roll: “Roll it nice and tight like a blunt.”

8. “Having the right utensils is a good start, but then you gotta show them who’s the boss up in this bitch.”

9. “Seriously, if someone don’t like this appetizer, you gotta grab they scruffy ass by the back of their neck and throw them out on the lawn. I can’t help people like that.”

10. “Let me be perfectly clear. You ain’t cookin’ with fire. You ain’t cookin with heat. You’re cookin’ with Coolio, motherfucker!”

 

all I’m going to say is that my birthday is in like 7 weeks. then there’s chanukah. then there’s christmas. you have so many opportunities to buy this for me.

 

xo j.

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~ by JuliaTriplett on October 22, 2012.

2 Responses to ““Tricked-out Westside Tilapia””

  1. wow, that’s quite some cookbook…not one your mother would approve. Oh, I forgot, I am your mother.
    You may get several copies from all your admiring friends!
    Me, I just want one of the dishes sometime.

  2. […] Photo courtesy of The Decadence Factor […]

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